Home of the Mother

I Have a Mother in Heaven

What are 17 years compared with eternity? Well, certainly, a miniscule and insignificant amount of time. Nonetheless, for me they amount to three-quarters of my life to date and therefore, far too much time to have spent without being aware of certain fundamental realities of my life.

When I look back I cannot avoid thinking of all the time lost due to my great unawareness and ignorance concerning the things of God, concerning supernatural realities... Too many years without knowing or wanting to find out about the Mother I have in Heaven who goes about like crazy trying to guide my steps towards God.

The education and formation of a child is difficult at the best of times, but even more so when this child does not recognise its own mother and believes itself to be totally self-sufficient, erecting a pedestal for its own ideas, schemes, feelings, in short, for its own ego. But I had the great
fate, or more accurately, the providence of God, which caught hold of me the very first opportunity I gave him, and put me in contact with a very Marian apostolic movement, namely the Home of the Mother, to which I owe so much; it has opened up to me a world which up to then had been hidden from my eyes.

The Home has shown me the presence of the Virgin in my life, it has taught me to discover her nearness in the day-by-day, and it has led me to try to love her with a true daughter like love. And even though this love I have still leaves much to be desired, I know that every day that passes I love her a little bit more; the more I get to know her, the more I discover of her maternal love, a love that overcomes me in contrast with the indifference or ingratitude on my part on so many occasions.

I remember when I found myself “face to face” with the Virgin. Wow! No matter which way I looked it was so easy to discover her presence, her tenderness, that mother’s love which is so totally open and devoted to her little child. I had only just been born; I had come out of sin to be born to the life of grace, and She, like the best of mothers, took care of me, a little baby so needy of her love, totally dependent upon her. I had to learn to love, I had to open my heart more than ever; I was discovering a whole new world which I had to get to know, a whole series of values and realities, new goals and aspirations appeared... it was a special time. I found our Mother in every moment, in people, in images, in Churches, by my side, in my heart... I spent hours and hours talking with Her and of Her, never tiring of talking of God and of the Virgin, of hearing songs about Her, and even of straining my own ears by trying to sing to Her. How could I have been blind for so long to all this supernatural reality which is so deeply rooted in our lives?

I was like a new-born child in the arms of its mother, from where it can always see her face and rest its head upon her heart. I knew I was loved and protected, and totally indebted to God for the great gift He had made me in giving me his Mother to be my Mother. But one cannot always remain a baby and the time came for me to make my first little steps, and with these the first bumps for lack of trust and bigheadedness. Mary has placed me on the floor; She has taken her place behind me, holding me with so much affection and saying to me: “See? There is your God, your Father and you must make your way towards Him”.

Things are sometimes difficult for the apprentice. Effort, perseverance, and a lot of trust are required. But I have my goal very clear: God. I know that my Mother watches over my steps in every moment, even though I might repeatedly fall or lose my way. But what do I have to fear? If I look in front of me, I see God my Father, who awaits me with arms opened wide to hug me to his heart and never again to leave it, and if I raise my glance a little, I see the tender face of Mary, the Virgin, who smiles at me and encourages me to keep going; but even then, I am so clumsy and wilful that from time to time I drop my head and see only this one step I have to make, for which I feel I do not have the strength, because I have been blinded by looking only towards myself instead of looking upwards. And I feel completely incapable and alone before the danger and the staggering begins, and often falls, followed by sobs and crying. Stupid selfishness and pride that lead me to look towards my own person, separating me from the Virgin and from the Lord.

Many times I have seen Our Mother rush over me to prevent my falling, sweeping me up in her arms. Other times, however, She has permitted me to fall, picking me up immediately afterwards from the floor in order to show me where I really need to place my trust, because I can do nothing without Them, whose help never fails me.

I do not always allow Her to love me. I don’t allow her to exercise her Mother’s love and I make things difficult, but She never tires of showing me her love with ever more intensity because She has placed me in her Her and committed herself to my salvation.

It is true that my relationship with Our Mother is not the same as it was at first; I do not find it so easy to see her hand and recognise her presence on each step of the way, but I cannot doubt her for a single moment. This would be a betrayal of her love on my part. If She were not sustaining and guiding me, I would not have the strength to make my way towards the Lord when it becomes hard, to make that next little step in the darkness that blurs the horizons (where He awaits), making me trip and even crawl along the ground. It is not possible for me to doubt that She is intensively exercising her maternity over me, that it is She who is guiding my steps. And as She more than anyone knows what is good for me, I can be totally confident that She is leading me to God, sometimes with more resistance on my part and other times more docilely. The way of sanctity is not simple, that is, we seem to be determined to make it complicated by setting ourselves up as owners and masters of ourselves, refusing the intervention of the Lord and Our Mother, who are the ones who really know what is best for us, who lead us to fullness and give us true happiness: happiness in God.

Certainly, original sin has dislocated us, making it difficult for us to advance firmly on the narrow way, and it hurts to re-locate each bone in its right place. Sure it hurts! But a little suffering that orders and purifies us is well worth the trouble, moulding us for Heaven.

And thanks be to God the Virgin is there sustaining me in my weakness, watching over me always, coming to my aid when most I need her, full of delicacy and concern, with constant expressions of love, lighting up the way for me to follow, with applause, or touches or little cuffs to draw my attention, to alert me in the midst of traps and dangerous situations, encouraging me when my courage is hitting rock bottom, lifting me up and squeezing me against her Heart when I have allowed my guard to drop, drawing from me the smile in the midst of battle, consoling me in difficulty, guiding me in darkness...

It is true that I no longer feel her nearness in every instant, like in the beginning, but I know She is there her fidelity is certain in spite of so much ingratitude and so much forgetfulness by a capricious daughter who thinks too much in herself. Now it is not a matter of feelings, as these are not always reliable - indeed, sometimes they can be very traitorous, blurring reality. But there is no less certainty, no less faith, with certain points where I clearly see their intervention with mountains of graces.

The Virgin is one of the great treasures that the Heart of God has trusted to us in our ascent towards Heaven and it is truly a shame how we have treated her at times; how little delicacy and love we show her. As a daughter I am a disaster. How many negligences, ingratitudes, complaints! How much patience She has had to have with me! But I do have one thing very clear: that not for anything in the world would I voluntarily do something to hurt her and with all my strengths I desire to come to love her with all the love She awaits from me, a love truly expressed in deeds, a love that springs from a transformed heart, in the likeness of the Heart of her Son.

By Sr. Teresa Maria of the Eucharist